TSGK Clan Forum Forum Index TSGK Clan Forum
Half-Life 2 : Deathmatch TSGK Clan forum.
 
 CalendarCalendar   FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

chameleon_789
September 24 1985 (32 year old)
 TSGK Member 
Diet H2O_TSGK
September 20 1971 (46 year old)
 TSGK Member 
gorman_freedon
September 25 1992 (25 year old)
Habitathxc
September 24 1986 (31 year old)
 TSGK Member 
SuperHebbe
September 21 1966 (51 year old)
WebChimp Uk
September 19 1992 (25 year old)
[BK] Cyrus
September 21 1976 (41 year old)
°-NeÁtrinos-°
September 24 1990 (27 year old)
 TSGK Member 
Calendar
Calendar Calendar
Tue 19 Sep 2017 Wed 20 Sep 2017 Thu 21 Sep 2017 Fri 22 Sep 2017 Sat 23 Sep 2017 Sun 24 Sep 2017 Mon 25 Sep 2017
Birthday WebChimp Uk  
Birthday Diet H2O_TSGK  
Birthday SuperHebbe  
Birthday [BK] Cyrus  
 
 
Birthday chameleon_789  
Birthday Habitathxc  
Birthday °-NeÁtrinos-°  
Birthday gorman_freedon  
The time now is Wed Sep 20, 2017 03:57
All times are UTC + 2 (DST in action)
 Forum index » TSGK General » Fun Stuff
Thread for jokes?
Post new topic   Reply to topic View previous topic :: View next topic
Page 2 of 9 [246 Posts]   Goto page: Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, ..., 7, 8, 9 Next
Author Message
Shimmy_TSGK
TSGK Member


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 2443
Location: Dubai, 2 clicks away from Burj Khalifa
Country:
Browser:
Age: 34

PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 18:18    Post subject:  

why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?
because he didn't have teh guts!

_________________

Illyria says: I am not going to explain why?you are too stupid to get it.

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 06:21    Post subject: sweet story of a little old lady that will warm your heart  

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness, someone who
teaches
at Kean Elementary in Wooster, Ohio forwarded the following
letter.
The letter was sent to the Principal's office after the
school had
sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new
radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank
you.
This story is a credit to all humankind.

Dear Kean Elementary:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger
Home
for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone
now
and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God
bless you
for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and
has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she
would
never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other
day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of
pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could
listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. Thank you for that
opportunity.
Sincerely,
Edna


_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:12    Post subject:  

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research... This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
Xmeagol
Incontinent beast


Joined: 26 Oct 2006
Posts: 3609
Location: Oh my god look behind you it's an evil combine advisor with a raging erection oh my god.
Country:
Browser:
Age: 696

PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 15:56    Post subject:  

loool guys Laughing

keep em coming, this should be stickied

_________________
http://www.rsclegacy.com - New game, new clan!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 04:04    Post subject:  

You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you do it time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus

Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize. ..........

.
.



.
..
You're listening to your I -pod!

--------------------------------------

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
The Borg_TSGK
TSGK Member


Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 2756
Location: Suffolk, England
Country:
Age: 45

PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:30    Post subject:  

Cup of Tea .
Ľ One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mum came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mum waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... Smile

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger 
Freelancer
TSGK Member


Joined: 06 Jun 2006
Posts: 3226
Location: Latvija
Country:
Browser:
Age: 26

PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 17:58    Post subject:  

Sniperborg wrote:
Cup of Tea
LMAO XD Borg thats epic XD
_________________
My Deviantart acc
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 13:07    Post subject:  

Subject: EU Directive No. 456179

EU Directive No. 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European
currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and
Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a
Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2009.

From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.


............................................................................................

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
StonedCabbage
TSGK Member


Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 2272
Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom
Country:
Browser:
Age: 31

PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 22:27    Post subject:  

Zog Ecosse wrote:
Subject: EU Directive No. 456179

EU Directive No. 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European
currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and
Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a
Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2009.

From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.


............................................................................................

Laughing Laughing Laughing

_________________

I hope that packet gets lost forever in network oblivion
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 05:01    Post subject:  

Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.

Her mother reassured her; 'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests..
Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again.. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Maria, you stay here and cook da pasta.

....................................................................................

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 07:32    Post subject: INVOLUNTARY MUSCULAR CONTRACTIONS  

A professor at MEMORIAL UNIVERSITY OF NEWFOUNDLAND, was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.
Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably moose hunting with his buddies.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 07:34    Post subject: A DOCTOR IN NEWFOUNDLAND...  

A Doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant 'Garge, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic.
I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'.
'Yes, sir!' answers Garge.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks:
'So, Garge, How was your day?'
Garge told him that he took care of three patients.
'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'
'Bravo Mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir' says Garge.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this, and what about the third one?' asks the doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.
Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME, for five years I have not seen any man!''
'Lard tunderin' Jesus, Garge, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
'I put drops in her eyes.'

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 07:40    Post subject: RCMP officer  

An RCMP officer stops at a ranch in Alberta, and talks with an old
rancher.
He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown
drugs.'
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The RCMP officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority
of
the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he
removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See
this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.On any
land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the RCMP
officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and
yells at the top of his lungs.....
'Your badge! Show him your badge!

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 17:54    Post subject:  

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.





After having great sex, she spent the next hour just scratching his balls-- something she seemed to love to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?'





'Because,' she replied, 'I really miss mine."

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
StonedCabbage
TSGK Member


Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 2272
Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom
Country:
Browser:
Age: 31

PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2009 20:57    Post subject:  

hahahahaha
_________________

I hope that packet gets lost forever in network oblivion
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 22:48    Post subject:  

There's trouble brewing, guys.

You have to hope this study is flawed but the evidence seems
irrefutable. Several months ago, scientists at Europe's annual human
reproduction conference suggested that the results of a recent analysis
revealed the presence of female hormones in beer and suggested that men
should take a look at their beer consumption. The theory is that
drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were each fed six pints of beer within a one
hour period. It was then observed that 100 per cent of the men gained
weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly
emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argue over
nothing,had to sit down while urinating, couldn't perform sexually and
refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2009 22:52    Post subject:  

Subject: Chemical Engineers

"So, Perfessor," said the other old perfessor, "what do you old folks do
now that you're retired?"

"Well," said the old perfessor, "I'm fortunate to have a few friends who
have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy
most is turning beer, wine, bourbon, and martinis into urine."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 11:01    Post subject:  

Judy got married and had 13 children.
Her first husband,Ted, died of cancer.

She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.

Judy again remarried,.... And this time, she & John had 5 more children.

Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:

"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
Margaret replied:....

"I think he means her legs, Ethel...."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2009 04:15    Post subject: New Wine for Seniors  

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as

PINO MORE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 06:22    Post subject: This morning on the Freeway  

I looked over to my left and there was a
Woman
In a brand new
Holden Calais
Doing 110 kms per hr
With her
Face up next to her
Rear view mirror
Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away
For a couple seconds !
And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane,
Still working on that makeup.
As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;
I dropped
My electric shaver,
Which knocked
The meat pie
Out of my other hand.
In all
The confusion of trying
To straighten out the car
Using my knees against
The steering wheel,
It knocked
My Mobile phone
Away from my ear
Which fell
Into the coffee
Between my legs,
Splashed,
And burned
Big Jim and the Twins,
Ruined the darn phone,
Soaked my trousers,
And disconnected an
Important call.

f**k'n women drivers!!

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 06:23    Post subject: A blonde gets a job as a teacher.  

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says softly.
'It's best I stay here.'he says. '
'Why?' says the blonde, feeling sorry for him.
The boy says: 'Because, I'm the f------ goalie'

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 19:24    Post subject:  

Walking past a cemetry one day I seen four men carrying a coffin round and round. 3 hours later I saw the same men with the same coffin and I thought to myself oh my god, they've lost the f***ing plot.
.........................................................................................................

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
Zog Ecosse


Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Posts: 788
Location: Lerwick Shetland
Country:
Browser:
Age: 65

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 03:27    Post subject:  

COME ON YOU GUYS. Ther must be more of you that have a sense of humour and know a joke or is it restrcted to just the few who post here?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His
father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you
for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a
butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run
across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up
to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her,
Dad, or do you want me to?"

........................................................................................................

_________________



"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 06:18    Post subject: that 's the funniest  

Zog Ecosse wrote:
COME ON YOU GUYS. Ther must be more of you that have a sense of humour and know a joke or is it restrcted to just the few who post here?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His
father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you
for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a
butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run
across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up
to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her,
Dad, or do you want me to?"

........................................................................................................
that 's the funniest
_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
Posts: 159
Location: Timmins Ontario
Country:
Age: 58

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 06:22    Post subject: Male or Female?  

You might not have known this,but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES:
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTECONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it wouldbe male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying


_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger 
Balle_TSGK
TSGK Member


Joined: 14 Nov 2007
Posts: 940
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Country:
Browser:
Age: 49

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 08:43    Post subject:  

Most of these jokes are very high quality jokes I think. Sorry, but I can't really add to this thread, but thanks for some good laughs Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website 
StonedCabbage
TSGK Member


Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 2272
Location: Birmingham, United Kingdom
Country:
Browser:
Age: 31

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 14:41    Post subject:  

same here, they give me a good laugh everyday, knock knock anyone? Rolling Eyes
_________________

I hope that packet gets lost forever in network oblivion
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
Diet H2O_TSGK
TSGK Member


Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 3272
Location: Ireland (right, left, then second on the right)
Country:
Age: 46

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 15:25    Post subject:  

A man walks into a bar - Ouch!

A penguin asks a barman for a Pint. Barman is amazed he can talk and suggests to the penguin that he could make a fortune working for the circus. Penguin says "What would they need a Plasterer for?".

Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo walk through the enchanted forest and reach the magical castle whereupon they find the hall of the amazing mirrors. Snow white walks in and asks the mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?". She comes out a few minutes later with a big smile on her face and tells the others, "I am the fairest one of all". Tom Thumb goes in and asks who the smallest one of all is and comes out with a big smile on his face. Quasimodo goes in and asks who is the ugliest one of all... All of a sudden Snow White and Tom Thumb hear yelling and the smashing of glass. Quasimodo storms out and snarls, "So who the f*** is Osiris?

_________________

Two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen with all the fat taken out
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message 
The Borg_TSGK
TSGK Member


Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 2756
Location: Suffolk, England
Country:
Age: 45

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 18:32    Post subject:  

Subject: Poorly constructed sentences in letters sent to the local council

1) My bush is really overgrown round the front, and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house, and I just can't take it anymore.

3) It is the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

4) I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5) I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6) And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7) I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

Cool My lavatory seat is cracked; where do I stand?

9) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12) 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.

13) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15) Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour & not fit to drink.

16) I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6 am his cock wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me.

17) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

1Cool Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

19) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

20) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger 
The Borg_TSGK
TSGK Member


Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 2756
Location: Suffolk, England
Country:
Age: 45

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2009 18:34    Post subject:  

Kids Are Quick
____________________________________


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________


TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

_________________


Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger 
Display posts from previous:   Sort by:   
Page 2 of 9 [246 Posts]   Goto page: Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, ..., 7, 8, 9 Next
Post new topic   Reply to topic View previous topic :: View next topic
 Forum index » TSGK General » Fun Stuff
Jump to:  

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
You cannot post calendar events in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
[ Time: 0.3046s ][ Queries: 16 (0.0106s) ][ Debug on ]