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exfido

Joined: 04 Jun 2008
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Location: Timmins Ontario
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 06:32    Post subject: Final hours  

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die."
She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending passing, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."

At this point the wife sits up and says, "Fuck Off, I have to get up in the morning... you don't."


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Zog Ecosse


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 13:46    Post subject:  

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.



Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.




SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 16:28    Post subject:  

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.


The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK Government's Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ people from Newcastle .

The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Scotswood and Benwell areas of Newcastle were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown went on record as saying this was a bold move by the Ferrari management which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour.

As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the first practice session, the Scotswood and Benwell pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of Carlsberg Special, 50 ecstasy tablets and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 09:41    Post subject:  

IRISH LOVE STORY


An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering
the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma
of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs.


He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself
from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way
out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the
railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.


With laboured breath, he leaned against the
door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's
agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for
there, spread out upon the kitchen table were
literally hundreds of his favourite scones.


Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his
devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left
this world a happy man?



Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself
towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture.
His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the
edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife
with a wooden spoon ......
.........

.........

"F**k off" she said, "they're for the funeral."

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Balle_TSGK
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2009 11:10    Post subject:  

Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Zog Ecosse


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 14:09    Post subject:  

The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle...
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular,
"Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
"Please, ma'am. May I sit down ? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"


...................

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 12:15    Post subject:  

A blond stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?" asked the librarian.

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot what-soever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. You must be the person who took our phone book."

............................

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 08:09    Post subject:  

Awesome stuff, Zog.

Three really bad jokes......

Two vampires walked into a bar. One vampire asked the barkeep for a glass of water and a used tampon. The other vampire inquired as to the purpose of said items. The one vampire said, "I'm making iced tea."

Two men walked into a bar, one ducked.

A baby seal walked into a club.

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exfido

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 05:59    Post subject: This is so beautiful......dog joke  

A little boy says to his mother,"Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"

His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I remember about that party, you're f**king lucky you don't bark!

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exfido

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 06:00    Post subject: Grandma & Grandpa  

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"$10.00 a pill," Answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"


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Balle_TSGK
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:22    Post subject: That's when the fight started  

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What's on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And that's when the fight started....

.....................

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....

....................

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

.....................

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And that's when the fight started....

....................

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy Crap. That must be my husband!”
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman,“I AM your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”
And that's when the fight started...

....................

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face cream..
And that's when the fight started....

....................

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, “Your eyesight's damn near perfect.”
And that's when the fight started....

.....................

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started....

....................

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” I sighed, “She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.”
“My God!” said my wife, “who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And that's when the fight started....

....................

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my SIN.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, “Unbutton your shirt.”
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.”
And that's when the fight started...

....................

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started....

....................

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale..
And that's when the fight started....

....................

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
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StonedCabbage
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 13:15    Post subject:  

some lols in there Balle Laughing Laughing Laughing
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 14:01    Post subject:  

The World's shortest fairy tale.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'

The girl said, 'NO!'

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted..

The end

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

one day, a long time ago in a land far far way there lived a woman who did not nag, whine, moan or bitch.

but it was just one day and a hell of a long time ago!!!! Laughing

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exfido

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 06:32    Post subject: Naked Cowboy(for the woman)  

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking round like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ....
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy... '
'And here I am.'

Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist!

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exfido

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 06:39    Post subject: A blonde teenage girl(for the men)  

A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer,
decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman', and started canvassing
a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs that she could do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she
would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation,
said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way
around the house?'
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to
believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail
lately."
Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes", the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50, and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.
"And by the way" the blonde added, "It's not a Porch, it's a Lexus


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 09:53    Post subject:  

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men.

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a
Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside..

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 07:24    Post subject:  

lol


"The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"

The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some c&*t in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 23:09    Post subject:  

Shimmy_TSGK wrote:
lol


"The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"

The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some c&*t in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."
oh...Sh!~ :DDD xD Epic joke
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:50    Post subject:  

Husband Wanted


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door just to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair He had no arms and no legs.

The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!'

The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'

She snorted. 'You don 't have any arms either!'

A gain, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed?'

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, 'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 10:41    Post subject:  

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome - one has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David.

Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing..."
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 00:49    Post subject:  

Blonde with a Password

During a recent password audit, it was found that

a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said,

that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

Laughing

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 00:51    Post subject:  

LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION


1 Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.


Addendum
The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

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exfido

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 16, 2009 04:13    Post subject: BEST CLEAN/DIRTY JOKE  

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said
'I want to be a movie star.' Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, 'What's your name?'
The guy said, 'My name is Penis van Lesbian.'
The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into
Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name.'
'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I
will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name Not ever.'
The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will
NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm
telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be a ble to
represent you.'
'So be it! I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and
he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is
awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter
enclosed...
'Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an
actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined
to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would
never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I
left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were
right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your
office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it
without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my
appreciation.
Thank you for your advice..

Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 13:21    Post subject:  

Here is an extract from a Glasgow newspaper - who said romance was dead.
Lonely Hearts.JPG
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 22, 2009 14:34    Post subject:  

The doc goes to the Lunatic Asylum and tells 3 of the inmates if they can give the right answer to his question they will get released.

Doc to first lunatic: What is 3 x 3
Lunatic: 374
Doc to second lunatic: What is 3 x 3
Lunatic: Tuesday
Doc to third lunatic: Well whats your answer
Lunatic: Oh thats easy its nine

The doctor is amazed and says" well done you can go home immediately. And tell me how did you get that answer?"


Lunatic: Easy I subtracted Tuesday from 374.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 15:26    Post subject:  

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately
spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said,
'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'

The woman thought about this, but decided
she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

'New house, new madam.'

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
'New house, new madam, new girls.'

The girls and the woman were a bit offended
but then began to laugh about the situation
considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

'Hi, Keith!'

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 14:48    Post subject:  

A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she
had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."

He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the
pages.

His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible
in its mouth!

The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes
heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 21:33    Post subject:  

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and
Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly
jumped into the deep end.




He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.




Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.




When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.




The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'




Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry..
How soon can I go home?'

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 21:33    Post subject:  

Neil Armstrong

ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.

HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, 'THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND,' WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.
BUT JUST BEFORE HE REENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY.'

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGH IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT..

HOWEVER , UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.
OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY... STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY , FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26- YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED.

MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.
IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WEST TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW.

HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.

AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY.

'SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!'

TRUE STORY! !

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 22:50    Post subject:  

Laughing Borg thanks for a the contributions. I was beginning to feel like a one man stand up comedy act. (no thats just my dm play) Laughing
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