TSGK Clan Forum

Ghost Dog_TSGK · Last edited by Ghost Dog_TSGK on Tue Nov 20, 2007 13:18; edited 1 time in total

Welcome to Ghost Dogs kitchen,
let's begin.

The first thing to remember is avoid all cross contamination, turkeys are very large and hard to handle chances are the raw bird will touch areas you never expected on your kitchen surface.Use caution and keep it clean I beg of you!

Let's make some dinner,(be sure to thaw your bird!)

First lets discuss stuffing, sure it's delicious and almost traditional (I say almost because tradition can be a bad thing)
DO NOT STUFF YOUR TURKEY WITH BREADCRUMBS OF ANY SORT!!!!
You will remove at least 40% of the moisture out of your bird and leave the guests with a face resembling your average wine taster on duty.

Cook your stuffing seperately I assure you it is the best way.
Now knowing that stuffed breadcrumbs will dry out our turkey why not stuff your bird with something that brings it's own moisture to the party!

This is what I use feel free to use it too.
In a mixing bowl combine:

1 cup onion
1 cup celery
1 cup chopped carrots or baby carrots
2 tablespoons of vegetable oil (preferably olive oil)
1 tablespoon rosemary
1 tablespoon black pepper.
Just mix this up and cover the bowl until you are ready to stuff the bird, feel free to add to the stuffing your own tastes, just make sure it isn't looking to absorb moisture examples=mushrooms, green peppers, lemon juice etc. etc.I personally like to cook the stuffing in a saucepan just for a couple minutes to bleed the vegetables but it isn't needed.

Now that the stuffing is ready lets grab old tom turkey and show him who's boss.*Do this by firing your ar2 orb (speed orb is preffered but we all know the holiday price gouging on gravity guns Rolling Eyes

)

Start by grabbing some aluminum foil (you need this) and pull of a generous rectangle of it, then fold it in half, then fold into the shape of a triangle (crude shapes are ok) be sure to do this before starting an oven, the triangle needs to cover only the breast of the turkey so size it accordingly, also press the foil triangle onto the raw turkey breast to shape it proplerly (shaping it onto a hot turkey hurts I learned the hard way for you) and place it somewhere safe.

Now preheat your oven for 500 degrees fahrenheit (260 degrees celsius)
It sounds like a lot and it is, trust me It is completely necessary it must be at 500F, 260C.

Now while waiting,rub some oil on the skin of the turkey, stuff your turkey with your delicious moisture friendly stuffing and put him in your favorite roasting pan (something very easy to carry!)
DO NOT REMOVE THE THERMOMETER THAT COMES INSIDE THE TURKEY!!!!!
It must remain in place or you will pop a hole in a water balloon so to speak.If by chance you did remove it try to put it back or stuff the hole with chopped carrots or something, as long as it will stay put.

Once the oven reaches 500 degrees F (260C) get ready to put the bird in.

Place the turkey quickly (yet safely) into your 500 degree oven and keep him in there for exactly half an hour (13-14 pound or about 6 kilogram turkey) once the half hour is complete, remove the turkey from the oven and reduce the thermostat to 350 degrees fahrenheit (177 degrees celsius) and keep the door closed (maintaining steady heat is crucial)

While the turkey is out cover the breast with your triangle of aluminum foil as best you can (might need gloves it is HOT) once the breast is covered and oven is at a steady 350F (177C) place the turkey back into the oven and wait, should take about 2 and a half hours but guessing doesnt work, the problem with turkey is, once the dark meat gets to it's desired temperature the white meat has long dried out, this is why you put the triangle of foil on the breast it will drastically even out the heating.

The key here is that the white meat must reach 161 degrees fahrenheit (71 degrees celsius) as well as the dark.This is the safe and perfectly done temperature.

When you reach this temperature, you're done friend and remember the turkey bones and inside will continue to rise in temperature even after it has been removed from the oven so if you see 160 degrees on the thermometer then you are good to remove.

Now if the factory installed "thermometer" should pop up ignore it, that thing is a thermometer as much as I am a mayor of a town.And I'm not.
It has a specific non toxic adhesive holding it together under spring load, then the glue gets to the right temp it melts and the spring pops up Rolling Eyes

Not at all accurate.

My friends I can assure you follow these directions and you will never have a better turkey short of frying it (I thought turkey was the healthy choice).

I've seen people google "how to cook a turkey"
Please do not, I assure you this recipie was compiled from the best of the best.

Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay tuned for another delicious ghost dog holiday dinner treat!

Ghost Dog_TSGK · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 00:59 Post subject:

For those who have had to endure a dry boring bird for the holidays you knwo how I felt and why I put together this recipie Laughing

Sadist · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 01:48 Post subject:

Can I cook the bird with an orb?

Ghost Dog_TSGK · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 02:02 Post subject:

If you should choose to "orb" your bird be sure he isn't anticipating the orb and watch his grav gun for the tell tale glow that comes from said anticipation.

I cannot guarantee your orb will be free of salmonella so think twice before reusing this orb in particular.

AND DO NOT PUT THE TURKEY ON YOUR HEAD AND RUN AROUND CLAIMING IT'S A HEADCRAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was my idea and that would be theft.

Osiris_TSGK · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 11:29 Post subject:

You must also eat your turkey very fastly right after cooking it with an Orb before it completly gets disintegrated by it, habitualy 1.5 sec to 2 seconds.
But like that you may win the contest of the fastest turkey eater.
Good luck and Bon appetit.

Xmeagol · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 12:17 Post subject:

woah jimmy THATS AMAZING Very Happy

i know how to cook simple stuff like stakes and fries.. but you're a genious!

ORBS!

Ghost Dog_TSGK · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 13:14 Post subject:

Freelancer · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 15:39 Post subject:

the Bird Flue is on the run so ill have my usual,a BIG diped in liquid Nitrogen combine on a stick Smile

.....yummmy ^)^

MiCao · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 16:33 Post subject:

Sorry, couldn't resist...

DeezNut$ · Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 132 Country: Browser:

The Borg_TSGK · Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2007 23:42 Post subject:

Xmeagol · Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 01:58 Post subject:

you could also you you're turkey my way, just simply slam the turkey (RAW!) into a wall 158 times with the BLUE gravity gun (to make sure it's nice and spicy!), make sure you take all the bones off, and then carefuly place the stuffing inside, i recommend these books: "Apperture Science Handheld manual containing several instructions for Stuffing" and "Gordon Freeman's Half-Secrets of cooking sucsess"

Zog Ecosse · Posted: Sat Dec 22, 2007 13:26 Post subject:

Thanksgiving is the traditional time to eat Turkey in the USA but in the UK the time is Christmas. I am not going to try to better Ghostdog's recipe But I am going to add a little class to the presentation of the dish -

NEW TURKEY RECIPE

Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!!

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.

2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully.(see attached picture for details)

3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.

4. Watch your guests' faces