Author |
Message |
Zog Ecosse
Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 788 Location: Lerwick Shetland Country: Browser: Age: 72
|
Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 17:11 Post subject:
One for Shimmy |
|
1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxi's, and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow.
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. .. . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St.Thomas's Bath .
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
'Which one ?'. . ... I asked.
'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered, 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent .
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how was your breakfast this morning?'
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. Bristol Infirmary.
7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said
'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty, KGH London .
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
_________________
"You don't have to be mad to live on the planet Zog but it definitely helps"
Tharg of Zog
|
Back to top
|
|
|
Shimmy_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 2444 Location: Dubai, 2 clicks away from Burj Khalifa Country: Browser: Age: 40
|
Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 17:57 Post subject:
|
|
Thanx for the lovely jokes.
The ky one grossed me out so much but the lawn was the money maker hehe.
Hope your doing well Zog.
_________________
Illyria says: I am not going to explain why?you are too stupid to get it.
|
Back to top
|
|
|
Sadist
Joined: 29 Jun 2006 Posts: 721 Location: The TSF Council Country:
|
Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 21:09 Post subject:
|
|
I like
_________________
|
Back to top
|
|
|
The Borg_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 13 Mar 2007 Posts: 2756 Location: Suffolk, England Country: Age: 52
|
Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 21:55 Post subject:
|
|
Common Shimmy you must have a few medical gross situations you can share, promised not to tell the GMC
_________________
|
Back to top
|
|
|
Shimmy_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 2444 Location: Dubai, 2 clicks away from Burj Khalifa Country: Browser: Age: 40
|
Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 01:22 Post subject:
|
|
The Borg_TSGK wrote: |
Common Shimmy you must have a few medical gross situations you can share, promised not to tell the GMC |
what happens in the hospital... stays in the hospital
_________________
Illyria says: I am not going to explain why?you are too stupid to get it.
|
Back to top
|
|
|
Plasmo_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 1131 Location: In the loving embrace of the tomfoolery of 3 chimps and a legion of angry lapps Country: Browser: Age: 40
|
Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 03:01 Post subject:
|
|
Shimmy_TSGK wrote: |
The Borg_TSGK wrote: |
Common Shimmy you must have a few medical gross situations you can share, promised not to tell the GMC |
what happens in the hospital... stays in the hospital |
I wish that were true! My mom (a nurse) would occasionally report nasty stuff to us kids at the dinner table. While she never violated patient confidentiality, she certainly violated appetites!
_________________ Aw crap I think I lost a contact. BRB, gotta put my eyes back in.
|
Back to top
|
|
|
The Borg_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 13 Mar 2007 Posts: 2756 Location: Suffolk, England Country: Age: 52
|
Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 17:05 Post subject:
|
|
Shimmy_TSGK wrote: |
The Borg_TSGK wrote: |
Common Shimmy you must have a few medical gross situations you can share, promised not to tell the GMC |
what happens in the hospital... stays in the hospital |
awwwww
_________________
|
Back to top
|
|
|
Shimmy_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 2444 Location: Dubai, 2 clicks away from Burj Khalifa Country: Browser: Age: 40
|
Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 19:57 Post subject:
|
|
Plasmo_TSGK wrote: |
Shimmy_TSGK wrote: |
The Borg_TSGK wrote: |
Common Shimmy you must have a few medical gross situations you can share, promised not to tell the GMC |
what happens in the hospital... stays in the hospital |
I wish that were true! My mom (a nurse) would occasionally report nasty stuff to us kids at the dinner table. While she never violated patient confidentiality, she certainly violated appetites! |
damn man,like yesterdays 4 hour l4d session hahaha
_________________
Illyria says: I am not going to explain why?you are too stupid to get it.
|
Back to top
|
|
|
Illyria_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 23 Feb 2008 Posts: 1075 Country: Browser: Age: 35
|
Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 22:43 Post subject:
|
|
Shimmy_TSGK wrote: |
Plasmo_TSGK wrote: |
Shimmy_TSGK wrote: |
The Borg_TSGK wrote: |
Common Shimmy you must have a few medical gross situations you can share, promised not to tell the GMC |
what happens in the hospital... stays in the hospital |
I wish that were true! My mom (a nurse) would occasionally report nasty stuff to us kids at the dinner table. While she never violated patient confidentiality, she certainly violated appetites! |
damn man,like yesterdays 4 hour l4d session hahaha |
I don't get the connection
|
Back to top
|
|
|
The Borg_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 13 Mar 2007 Posts: 2756 Location: Suffolk, England Country: Age: 52
|
Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:31 Post subject:
|
|
Illyria_TSGK wrote: |
Shimmy_TSGK wrote: |
Plasmo_TSGK wrote: |
Shimmy_TSGK wrote: |
The Borg_TSGK wrote: |
Common Shimmy you must have a few medical gross situations you can share, promised not to tell the GMC |
what happens in the hospital... stays in the hospital |
I wish that were true! My mom (a nurse) would occasionally report nasty stuff to us kids at the dinner table. While she never violated patient confidentiality, she certainly violated appetites! |
damn man,like yesterdays 4 hour l4d session hahaha |
I don't get the connection |
Try and think as Shimmy does..................
now your really confused
_________________
|
Back to top
|
|
|
Illyria_TSGK
TSGK Member
Joined: 23 Feb 2008 Posts: 1075 Country: Browser: Age: 35
|
Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 15:04 Post subject:
|
|
I think I got it now..
If I were to try to think the way Shimmy usually does, I wouldn't have gotten to the solution, believe me
|
Back to top
|
|
|
|